The hand model of the brain is a technique we use in therapy here at Camber Mental Health. It provides a tangible representation of the structure of the brain and helps children and adults understand emotional regulation.

This technique is useful for parenting in general as well, not just for clinical therapy use! Discover how this model can be valuable for you as a parent to better understand yourself and your children when dysregulated. Then you can better move through those intense emotions, and help your child do the same.

What is the Hand Model of the Brain?

The hand model of the brain is a visualization of the brain developed by Dr. Daniel Siegal, a clinical professor of psychology at the UCLA School of Medicine. This model helps people of all ages, even children as young as five, to understand what happens when emotions are dysregulated. Siegal says, “If we can see in front of us what’s going on in the brain, then we can change what the brain does.”

To create your own brain model with your hand, take your thumb and fold it in over your palm, then fold your other fingers over top of it in a fist. Think of your wrist as the spinal cord going up into the brainstem at the base of your palm. The brainstem takes in information from the body to regulate how you perform basic functions like breathing, digestion and heart functionality. It also manages the reactive “fight, flight or freeze” response when we feel threatened. 

The brainstem works closely with your brain’s limbic area (represented by your thumb) to create and regulate emotions. This important connection between the brainstem and the limbic area demonstrates how closely connected our emotions and our physical wellbeing are! The limbic area drives our motivations, determines the meaning and significance of things and works with the amygdala to regulate memory.

The limbic area is covered by the cortex (represented by your fingers). The cortex manages how we perceive the outside world, how we think and how we reason. A key part of the cortex is the prefrontal area (the part of your fingers covering the thumb). It is essential for regulating your subcortical brainstem and limbic areas.

What Happens to the Brain When We Are Dysregulated

Because all the elements of the brain work together, they need to stay integrated to function properly. Emotional dysregulation occurs when the brain is not integrated, something Dr. Siegal calls “flipping your lid.” Using the hand model of the brain, you can demonstrate this dysregulation by lifting the fingers off of the thumb. The limbic area and brainstem (the thumb and the palm) are left exposed and no longer have the support of the prefrontal area to regulate. The result is chaotic or rigid, resulting in either outbursts of emotion or withdrawal.

When we “flip our lids,” we lose the balance and flexibility that our prefrontal area typically provides. As a result, we can even lose sight of moral reasoning and act in ways that are uncharacteristic or startling to others. Because children’s brains are still developing, this occurs much more frequently and more easily than it does with adults.

Signs of Dysregulated Emotions in Children

As a parent or caregiver, it’s helpful to recognize when your children become dysregulated so you can help them get back in alignment and back to wellbeing. Here are some signs your child may be experiencing dysregulation:

• Tantrums
• Uncontrollable or seemingly excessive crying
• Frequent whining or moping
• Easily upset over little things or things that are out of character
• Acting out aggressively (hitting, throwing, yelling)
• Impulsive behaviors
• Anxiety and worrying
• Intense mood swings
• Withdrawing or refusing to participate in activities they enjoy

You know your child best, so the most important way you can recognize dysregulation is by paying attention to when your child is acting out of character with emotional extremes that seem beyond their control. When this happens, your child likely needs to take a break and have a moment to reintegrate their brain.

What to Do When a Child is Dysregulated

When your child struggles to regulate their emotions, you can use the hand model to help them recognize what’s happening and support their journey back to an integrated brain! Here are some steps you can take to help your child work through dysregulation.

Stay Calm

If your child is experiencing dysregulation, it’s important for you as the parent or caregiver to remain calm and level-headed. Meeting their emotional intensity can make it even more difficult for them to calm their emotions and reintegrate their brain, keeping them in that dysregulated place. Plus, when you can stay calm, you can better coach your child towards becoming calm again too.

Be Empathetic

Nobody is perfect, but this is where the hand model of the brain is helpful for explaining to your child that you sometimes struggle with regulation too, and it’s okay to need a break once in a while! Talk to your child about how these intense moments happen because their emotions are rising up from the brainstem and limbic area to override their prefrontal area. 

Acknowledge that you too sometimes get dysregulated. This will help your child feel that they’re not alone and you can relate to what they’re experiencing. Dr. Siegal emphasizes how valuable the hand model of the brain is for helping children understand how they’re feeling and then regulate their emotions better. It gives them a tangible way to explain when they’re starting to feel dysregulated before it gets to a chaotic point. Dr. Siegal explains that even the act of identifying dysregulation can help a child start to tame it.

Take a Break

If your child is experiencing dysregulation, help them to take a break. Here are some ideas for self-care breaks that could help your child calm down and move out of a space of dysregulation:

• Taking some time alone in their room to play with favorite toys, look at a favorite book or listen to music
• Drawing or coloring
• Journaling about their feelings
• Closing their eyes and taking slow, deep breaths
• Going outside to play in the fresh air
• Practicing expressive therapies

Encourage Healthy Habits

Emotional dysregulation tends to happen more often when we are not maintaining healthy habits for our physical health. The brainstem manages essential functions like digestion and breathing. When we don’t fuel our brain properly with healthy foods, exercise and proper sleep, it’s easier for us to become dysregulated! Help your child to recognize the importance of good habits and how they contribute to a healthy body and mind.

When You Need Additional Help

Helping a child learn how to regulate their emotions is no small feat. But you don’t have to do it alone as a parent or caregiver! Occasional emotional dysregulation is normal for children and teens. Learning how to manage emotions is an important part of growing up. But when emotional dysregulation becomes disruptive to everyday life, things can feel hopeless.

Here at Camber, we can help. Camber is the pioneer of trauma-informed mental healthcare models in the region. We have spent over 30 years developing and enhancing innovative therapies to help thousands of children live more balanced, healthy and resilient lives. Contact us at Camber Mental Health for more information about how we can help by providing expert care to achieve mental wellness.